Look at this! A spontaneous post! It’s been a while since I’ve done anything like this. Probably since I got my current job. (Which I’ve now been at for almost 4 months, can you believe??)
It’s currently 12:47pm on a Monday afternoon. I’m off work sick, it’s the first time in 3 days I’ve managed to get out of bed (admittedly, I’ve only made it as far as the sofa) and I just had the sudden urge to write. In my life at the moment, these sudden urges need to be fulfilled because saying they were few and far between would be a massive understatement.
I’m currently sat watching one of the best, worst chick flicks I’ve ever seen. It’s called Letters to Juliet, it stars Amanda Seyfried, it’s from 2010 and it’s about a young writer with a horrifically selfish fiancé who goes on some crazy journey to help a 65 year old woman to find her first love, who she left in Italy 50 years ago and hasn’t seen since.
It’s sickeningly sweet, heartwarming and my illness-ridden, emotional self is welling up every 30 seconds.
But, that’s not the point of this post.
Sophie (Amanda Seyfried’s character in the film) is a fact checker at the New York Times and dreams of being a writer. She does everything she can, pushes to achieve her dreams and finds inspiration at every possible moment. I know it sounds horrifically cliché, but please bare with me.
To tell you all the truth, I feel unfulfilled. I think it’s because I’ve gotten lazy and uninspired and, for some reason, accepted it as if it were something I didn’t have the power to change.
(Oh god, the film just got cheesier – Taylor Swift’s ‘Love Story’ just started playing.)
I’ll cut myself some slack for the first few weeks of starting my job, it’s not easy to go from being unemployed for 6 months to working full time and still trying to fit everything in. But, since then, it’s just been excuse after excuse after excuse.
I’m not happy and I need to change that.
When I think about what I’m passionate about, I think about a lot of things, but a 9-5 office job isn’t one of them. And, don’t get me wrong, I ADORE my job and I adore the people I work with – I somehow managed to really land on my feet with this one and I’m very lucky. But, with all that in mind, it’s not my passion.
My passions lie within writing, painting, singing, drawing, photographing, creating. Even though I’m ill right now, I’m surprisingly happy. I’m writing, it’s sunny, all the windows are open, I’ve just made a fresh cup of tea and I can see the steam dancing around above my mug. I’m on my own time, even if just for a day.
Now, as much as I’m a dreamer, I’m still very much of a realist. I know I can’t just say “lol I’m gonna quit my job and write” because I need money and I just don’t make enough of it from blogging. (And, I know it doesn’t sound like it, but I really do love my job.) I have plans over the next couple of years that involve a steady income (i.e. getting out of my overdraft, moving out and building up some more savings) and I am not a risk taker when it comes to money. Mainly because I’ve been at the other end of the spectrum thanks to a big, fat 6 months of redundancy and I can’t be anywhere close to that again.
What needs to change, however, is my attitude. I need to stop thinking the worst of situations, stop being lazy, stop making excuses and start putting the work in. Because, at the end of the day, the only thing stopping me from doing what I love is me.
So, I’m hoping this post will serve as a reminder for me to look back on when I’m getting down on myself. And I’m also hoping it means I’m out of this weird creative block I’ve found myself in over the past month or so, because man has it been frustrating.
Stay tuned, keep reading and get ready, because I’m here and I’m comin’ for ya. I’m gonna take over the world.