Feeling unfulfilled and making changes

feeling unfulfilled and making changes | rhianna olivia

Look at this! A spontaneous post! It’s been a while since I’ve done anything like this. Probably since I got my current job. (Which I’ve now been at for almost 4 months, can you believe??)

It’s currently 12:47pm on a Monday afternoon. I’m off work sick, it’s the first time in 3 days I’ve managed to get out of bed (admittedly, I’ve only made it as far as the sofa) and I just had the sudden urge to write. In my life at the moment, these sudden urges need to be fulfilled because saying they were few and far between would be a massive understatement.

I’m currently sat watching one of the best, worst chick flicks I’ve ever seen. It’s called Letters to Juliet, it stars Amanda Seyfried, it’s from 2010 and it’s about a young writer with a horrifically selfish fiancé who goes on some crazy journey to help a 65 year old woman to find her first love, who she left in Italy 50 years ago and hasn’t seen since.

It’s sickeningly sweet, heartwarming and my illness-ridden, emotional self is welling up every 30 seconds.

But, that’s not the point of this post.

Sophie (Amanda Seyfried’s character in the film) is a fact checker at the New York Times and dreams of being a writer. She does everything she can, pushes to achieve her dreams and finds inspiration at every possible moment. I know it sounds horrifically cliché, but please bare with me.

To tell you all the truth, I feel unfulfilled. I think it’s because I’ve gotten lazy and uninspired and, for some reason, accepted it as if it were something I didn’t have the power to change.

(Oh god, the film just got cheesier – Taylor Swift’s ‘Love Story’ just started playing.)

I’ll cut myself some slack for the first few weeks of starting my job, it’s not easy to go from being unemployed for 6 months to working full time and still trying to fit everything in. But, since then, it’s just been excuse after excuse after excuse.

I’m not happy and I need to change that.

When I think about what I’m passionate about, I think about a lot of things, but a 9-5 office job isn’t one of them. And, don’t get me wrong, I ADORE my job and I adore the people I work with – I somehow managed to really land on my feet with this one and I’m very lucky. But, with all that in mind, it’s not my passion.

My passions lie within writing, painting, singing, drawing, photographing, creating. Even though I’m ill right now, I’m surprisingly happy. I’m writing, it’s sunny, all the windows are open, I’ve just made a fresh cup of tea and I can see the steam dancing around above my mug. I’m on my own time, even if just for a day.

feeling unfulfilled and making changes | rhianna olivia
feeling unfulfilled and making changes | rhianna olivia

Now, as much as I’m a dreamer, I’m still very much of a realist. I know I can’t just say “lol I’m gonna quit my job and write” because I need money and I just don’t make enough of it from blogging. (And, I know it doesn’t sound like it, but I really do love my job.) I have plans over the next couple of years that involve a steady income (i.e. getting out of my overdraft, moving out and building up some more savings) and I am not a risk taker when it comes to money. Mainly because I’ve been at the other end of the spectrum thanks to a big, fat 6 months of redundancy and I can’t be anywhere close to that again.

What needs to change, however, is my attitude. I need to stop thinking the worst of situations, stop being lazy, stop making excuses and start putting the work in. Because, at the end of the day, the only thing stopping me from doing what I love is me.

So, I’m hoping this post will serve as a reminder for me to look back on when I’m getting down on myself. And I’m also hoping it means I’m out of this weird creative block I’ve found myself in over the past month or so, because man has it been frustrating.

Stay tuned, keep reading and get ready, because I’m here and I’m comin’ for ya. I’m gonna take over the world.

S H O P   T H E   P O S T

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  • Gosh, I can so relate to this! I often feel unfulfilled and like I could be doing more. It’s so easy to make excuses, but you are right; nothing ever changes unless you change it yourself! Good luck :) x http://www.aimeeraindropwrites.co.uk x

  • Aah! I just found your blog today and I’m in love with it. I love this post, and it’s something I needed to hear, as well. I hope you can look back at this post and let it serve as a reminder to you, just as it is to me right now! I love your writing and your photos. You definitely have a talent, and I hope you can turn your current situation around so that you can be doing what you love full time. I wish you the best.

    Jaycee | anthropolojay.com

  • YES Rhianna. I feel ya on this, you are the master of your own destiny fo’sho and anything is possible with positvity and determination! I hope you feel much better soon my love. Immy x

    http://www.immymay.com

  • I know exactly how you’re feeling right now, I feel the same girl! I’m always kicking myself now when I think about my blog – and how much more effort I could actually put into it if I tried. Excited to see what you come up with though!

    Emily

    emilyatelier.com

  • I relate to this blog post in so many ways! I can’t really say I adore my job but I do like it for the most part. At the same time, I’m feeling unfulfilled, I want more and also feel like a 9 to 5 office job is not for me. I’m a big introvert and working in an open office with lots of people always makes me feel mentally drained at the end of the day. I was able to work a couple of days at home and it was so much better – exactly as you made it sound! But I’ve also been through 4 months of unemployment and even though I have bigger dreams, I’m still not ready to face that uncertainty – will we ever be? As you said, we need to stop with the excuses and do the work, otherwise nothing will change.

    PS: I’m curious to watch Letters to Juliet now. Haven’t watched a chick flick in ages! :) x

  • LOVE this and know exactly what you mean. I do like my job but having started blogging a couple of months ago I find that I just feel like I want to be writing all the time and I’m getting frustrated that I have barely any time to. The little writing/windows open/sunny/cup of tea situation you described sounds so lovely. Oh and also, that shirt looks excellent on you!
    Sophie xxx | Sophar So Good

  • You put exactly how I feel into words. I’m currently sick at home in bed with a huge mug of earl grey tea, and i’ve been thinking the same things. I went from being in university, unemployed for a few months, then working 30 hours a week. I enjoy my job and love the people I work with..but sometimes I can’t help but feel I need to let loose my creative side. I’ve been in a creative block for a few weeks now as works been busy and tiring which makes me sad because blogging is something i’m so passionate about. Great post lovely!
    Holly x | http://www.thechroniclesofholly.com/ | https://www.bloglovin.com/blogs/chronicles-holly-13610625

  • I work full time and I’m the same – just need to stop being lazy and get back into the blogging routine but sometimes you just run out of steam

    Leanne | http://www.ohsimplething.co.uk

  • Frances Hemmant

    Love love love this post!! This describes me to an absolute tee too, I never feel within a job like I’m really doing what I absolutely love. It’s also so hard, because a full time job is really taxing. And sometimes when you come home from work, you just wanna zone out and chill, totally get that! I especially find it difficult because I rarely ever get 2 days off together, so my time off just goes super quickly. Sounds like you’re so determined to be motivated now though, you’ll smash it 👏🏼👏🏼 xx