Choosing to care about some things but not about others

choosing to care | rhianna olivia

A few days ago I wrote a post reflecting on 2017 and chatting about 2018. In that post I said I wanted to start caring less about things that don’t matter, whilst caring more about things that do.

I’m an over-thinker at heart and I always have been. I think it’s an offshoot of anxiety, but it doesn’t really matter what the cause is, it IS the case and that’s that. I care too much about things that don’t matter. Things I shouldn’t care about, things I can’t control and, even though it’s a slight juxtaposition, I care too much about things I don’t actually care about. I know.

Around this time last year, I wrote a post about my 2017 ‘fuck budget’. If you don’t know what a fuck budget is, I wrote a post about that as well – it’s essentially a personal list of things you should and shouldn’t care about. The concept of a fuck budget is from Sarah Knight’s ‘The Life Changing Magic of not Giving a F**k’ and which I highly recommend reading if you often feel obligated to do/care about things you don’t want to do/care about.

Anyway, I want to do the same this year but in a slightly more laid back format.

I’m not a big resolutions gal. I always find with resolutions comes an extra pressure to achieve and I don’t have time for that additional stress in my life. What I do like doing, however, is give thought on how I can add extra to my life, be a better person and continue to grow. It allows me some well-needed time to connect with myself and reflect on my life and my feelings.

I used my week off work to do just that – reflect and connect. And I came to some decisions about what I need to start caring less about, and what I need to start caring more about.

I’m choosing to care more about…

My health (mental and physical)

For years, I put myself through the WORKS both mentally and physically. I over ate, under ate, exercised too much, didn’t move enough. I hated my body, hated my mind and made both of them suffer for it. Having anxiety and depression isn’t a walk in the park, but I feel like I really got my mental health under control in 2017. (Getting out of redundancy helped massively, admittedly.) I know my triggers, I can predict my moods about 90% of the time and I feel like I know myself better than I ever have. Obviously if a spanner is ever thrown in the works, things could change. But, where possible, I’m going to really nurture my health. This starts with my mind and being conscious of what I need. Whether that be a plate of broccoli, a box of chocolates, a yoga session or a day not getting out of bed, I need to listen.

Being conscious and more kind

Leading on from the last point, I want to live more consciously. And I mean this in the vaguest way possible. I want to be conscious of myself, my health and my feelings, but I also want to be conscious of other people. Sometimes, especially on the internet, it’s easy to forget the people on the other side of a tweet are just that – people. Now I’m not saying I go around leaving hate comments on the internet. In fact, I’ve never done that because I like to think I’m a kind person. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t got frustrated, or angry, or irritated with someone on the internet purely because I don’t agree with them, or because they aren’t doing something the way I would.

It’s also easy to do this in real life, especially at home or at the office. It’s easy to forget people aren’t often doing things just to piss you off or make your life harder. I can be a moody bitch and I need to be more conscious about it.

On top of this, I don’t think it hurts to sit and think on something before you do/say it. It never hurts to be kinder. Especially with the mess the world is in recently.

Educating myself and staying inquisitive

There are so many things going on in the world at the moment, I really don’t think it could ever hurt to stay as educated as possible. And not just about things that affect you directly, but about things that affect others. 2017 was a big learning curve for me and I learned so much about people on other walks of life and I truly believe I’m a better person for it. I’m still learning, and I still make mistakes, but I keep trying to absorb knowledge where possible. This comes back to being kind and having empathy for others – it will never fail to amaze me how people assume something isn’t happening because it doesn’t directly affect them.

The world is exhausting, there’s a lot of bad things happening and a lot of it to good people. Be angry about it, learn about it, and speak up about it.

Capturing, and remembering, moments

I mentioned this in my post a few days ago, but I want to get back to capturing memories and moments. I take so many photos for my blog and for Instagram, but barely any of actual memories. Imperfect photos of perfect moments. Things that wouldn’t necessarily get likes on Instagram, but bring warm feels and smiles when thinking on what was going on when they were captured. I’d never be strict on myself as to HOW I capture things – whether it be phone snaps, printed photos or simply making a mental note to remember something – but I know I want to make an effort to do it in whichever way feels best.

choosing to care | rhianna olivia
choosing to care | rhianna olivia

I’m choosing to care less about…

Not being “cool enough”

“Yes, but will I look like a dick in this?” is probably my most used phrase of 2017. I bought a hat and never wore it because “it’s a wanky hat and I look wanky”. I tried on some round sunglasses and thought “nah, I’m not cool enough to pull these off”. This is a real big thing for me and I need to stop being scared that I’m not “cool” enough. What does that even mean, anyway? I’m almost 25, for fuck’s sake, and I don’t need to worry that someone I don’t even know thinks I’m “not cool enough” for something. I think this comes with being a blogger and following so many badass ladies who I admire. I admire their talents, their style, their confidence and I wish I had the same. But who says I can’t have my own “cool” style and confidence? The only person who decides that is me, and I’m deciding to do whatever the fuck I want whether other people think I’m cool or not.

FOMO, jealousy and comparison

I feel like there’s a theme starting here. I’m a real bugger for feeling like I’m missing out, getting jealous and comparing myself to others. But, to be honest, who isn’t? I did get better at this in 2017 but I want to continue that into 2018. No more “I wish I could work with this brand”, “I wish I looked like her” or “I wish I could afford to go there”. Lots more “you go girl, you get those collabs”, “holy hell you look amazing” and “I’m proud of myself for all the things I’ve accomplished”. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that jazz.

My need to be busy

What is with us millennials and our need to be busy 24/7? When I’m not at my 9-5, I’m blogging, or working on some freelance stuff, or trying to do hobbies for the sake of it. And when I’m not doing all that, I’m trying to get 8 hours of sleep a night, or keep up a social life, or take tonnes of photos to make everyone THINK I’m super busy and “girlboss” when all I want to do is get in my PJs and binge watch Gilmore Girls. Side note: I REALLY hate the word girlboss.

I say no more. There’s nothing wrong with being busy to me, especially when that business is earning me money, but good lord. Gal needs downtime. I need to make more time for myself, take more time to relax, recharge and reflect. I’m a bit scared I’ll keel over from exhaustion otherwise.

Doing what everyone else is doing

If 2017 taught me anything, it’s that everybody is unique. You never have to do something just because other people are doing it. You don’t have to buy that jumper everyone is buying, you don’t have to write in the same style everyone else is writing in, you don’t need to take the same style Instagram posts. And outside of blogging/the online world is the same! You don’t need to do a certain diet because so-and-so down the road did it, you don’t need to want to go to that holiday destination everyone is talking about if you aren’t feeling it.

I’m encouraging myself to do things because I actually want to do them, not just because someone else did it. I’m blogging about what I want to blog about, reading what I want to read, eating what I want to eat and going where I want to go. Because god dammit life is too short to do it any other way.

choosing to care | rhianna olivia

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22 Comments

  1. 6th February 2018 / 12:23 am

    great post! I need to get on that giving less of a fuck of what people think of me and comparison/jealousy. I’ve had to takes steps like remove folk off facebook and Instagram because i work myself up. *le sigh*
    katie x
    littlekaatie.com

  2. 31st January 2018 / 5:22 am

    YAS YAS YAS YAS. agree with so many things on this post, throw ALL of the kindness around like damn confetti and prioritise mental wellbeing. we could all do this a bit more!

    katie. xx lacoconoire.com

  3. 18th January 2018 / 8:09 pm

    I really enjoyed reading this post, and is definitely what I needed!

    I definitely care far too much about the silliest things that I should be chilled out about. Trying to stop caring so much about these things will hopefully open up more time and energy for other and more important things! :-D

  4. 11th January 2018 / 2:17 pm

    I love this post! Health is my number 1 priority this year as well! Now that I don’t stress about calories and how much I’m working out etc but rather just do what feels good I’ve actually managed to see some results :)x

    Anu | Based On blog

  5. Lea H
    10th January 2018 / 1:02 am

    This was so a lovely to hear and read. I love your outlook on life and it’s given me some inspiration to how I wanna proceed.
    Lea, xx
    http://asnippetoflife.com

  6. 8th January 2018 / 11:32 am

    Fab post! I think we could all do with caring less about certain things, and putting that wasted energy we spend on caring about things we shouldn’t care about into caring about things we should. Good luck with sort-of-resolutions. x http://www.aimeeraindropwrites.co.uk x

  7. 7th January 2018 / 2:35 pm

    So ispiring! I also want to capture more moments and I started writing things on notebook and printing photos for that. Those photos that are not going to my blog or Instagram, will definitely go there so I can remember them x

    Heidi ✨ | Heidi’s Planner

  8. 7th January 2018 / 12:15 am

    This is such a good post, and I could really do with trying to care more about mental health and less about staying busy as well! You’re right about us millenials keeping ourselves busy that’s for sure.

    alicered.co.uk

  9. 6th January 2018 / 8:52 pm

    Definitely got over the whole am I cool enough argument years ago. I’m sassy and I know it :) Great post!

    Yasmin x
    The Sweet Seven Five

  10. 6th January 2018 / 6:08 pm

    YES girl! I seriously love this post! It’s such a great way to see into the new year – I think about exactly the same pointless things you’ve written here, it’s so easy to get sucked into this society idea of what we ‘should’ do/eat/look like and social media definitely doesn’t help! I think you’ve certainly picked out some excellent things that we all should think more about because memories, health and kindness are much more important that what other people think of us! You’re right, life’s too short!

    I hope 2018 is the year for you (and btw you’re most definitely cool enough to pull off whatever you like! I think you’re awesome!)

    Daughter of An Air Hostess // Fashion, Travel & Lifestyle

  11. 6th January 2018 / 5:33 pm

    Love this so much! I love that you’re focusing on educating yourself, and I also want to capture more memories, with pictures of people and friends on my Instagram, not just blog related waffle. I also am trying to not care about what others are doing so much, I want to concentrate on myself! Love that planner too :) xx

    Jessie | allthingsbeautiful-x

  12. Chloe
    6th January 2018 / 12:25 pm

    Oh I am such a over thinker, this idea is great, you’ve inspired me to try something similar. I definitely need to stop caring about what everyone else is doing and just concentrate on myself!

    http://www.chloeharriets.com/

  13. 6th January 2018 / 9:10 am

    You go girl!!!! You’re bloody awesome and I hope this year you really realise that! I definitely need to work on a few of these myself, especially taking care of my physical and mental health

    Abi | abistreetx

  14. 6th January 2018 / 5:23 am

    I really need to work on fomo as I constantly find myself looking on Twitter or YouTube just to make sure I’m caught up on everything. This needs to stop 2018! Great post!
    ♥ Mae | maepolzine.com

  15. 5th January 2018 / 9:38 pm

    I can completely relate to this. I’m terrible for caring about all the wrong things or rather caring about things that barely deserve to enter my brain at all. I’m certainly trying to care less about what other people think about me/my interests/content/habits etc but it is so incredibly challenging!
    Danielle – Cooking Up A Treat xx

  16. 5th January 2018 / 4:08 pm

    I really need to work on caring about fomo! I always want to go to everything just so that I don’t miss out and then feel rubbish if I am missing out! Totally agree with so many of the points you made here! XX

    Frances Kayleigh | Fashion & Lifestyle

  17. 5th January 2018 / 2:01 pm

    Loving this post! Firstly, it’s SO well-written, I really enjoyed reading it. Secondly, I relate to every point you made, especially no longer caring about FOMO and comparison, it’s almost a bad habit I’m trying to break. But the feeling of not caring is so uplifting and beneficial, it’s definitely something to work on. Totally agree with everyone being unique too, the best person who can do you is you! Wonderful post and photos hun! xo

    Anika | anikamay.co.uk

  18. 5th January 2018 / 1:34 pm

    Completely LOVED this post lady, one of my favourites I’ve ever read from you I reckon. It’s like you just took all my jumbled up thoughts and made them make sense xxx

    http://www.natalieleanne.com

  19. 5th January 2018 / 12:22 pm

    I love this post Rhianna & I honestly couldn’t have related to it more. Especially about ‘comparison being the thief of joy’ & wanting to kinder. You’ve really inspired me to have a little think about what I do/don’t want to care more about. I’m reading The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck at the minute & I’ve started to create a mini fuck budget of my own. On another note, you’re one of the coolest gals I’ve been lucky enough to meet & I can’t wait for another sesh again soon xx

    ohsomint.com

  20. 5th January 2018 / 9:24 am

    YES GIRL, I love this post, it’s super inspiring. We sound one and the same with worrying about anything and everything and I think this year, I need to take a leaf out of your book. I love your approach to nurturing your mental and physical health and giving your body and mind EXACTLY what it needs. Also, you are DEFINITELY cool enough and you need to tell yourself that WAY more, I wish I was as cool as you are girrrrrl! <3