Blaming it on the busyness

blaming it on the busyness | rhianna olivia

Apologies for the completely unrelated photo, but I’m trying this new thing where I don’t stress about little things like that. One of my favourite blogs (which is, coincidentally, also run by one of my favourite humans) is Sophie Cliff and one of the things that I love about her blog is how raw her posts are. She writes from the heart. Her photos are very often snaps she’s taken on her iPhone and I always tried to avoid this, but I need to stop little perfectionism things like that holding me back from writing content I’m passionate about. I wrote this post about wanting my blog to have less ‘bigness’ a while ago and it’s time I stuck to that. So, because I wanted to get this post out, here is a square, slightly blurry yet somehow also slightly grainy iPhone snap of me holding a Costa, rather than a well thought out Olympus Pen flatlay. As always, thanks for the inspiration, Soph <3

It’s time I had a sit down with you guys.

I’ve been a total shit.

(How many times have I written one of these “I’M A TERRIBLE BLOGGER I’M SORRY I’LL BE BETTER” posts? I’ve lost count.)

I’m a terrible blogger, I’m sorry, I’ll be better.

Basically, June and July have been hectic. I’ve had so many plans I’m surprised I’ve managed to sleep at all. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been really fun and I’ve had the best time, but I am definitely the type of person that needs to recharge after a period of busyness. And I just haven’t been able to.

On top of having an incredibly busy social calander, work has been overwhelmingly busy, too. I’m still getting to grips with parts of my role, and the last thing I’ve wanted to do because of all the busy is come home and open my laptop.

And, tbh, I wouldn’t ever apologise for that.

I’m not going to pretend like all this hasn’t affected me. My mental health has been at an all-time-low over the past few weeks because I just don’t deal with busy -induced-stress very well. I also put an impossibly large amount of pressure on myself to succeed, both in my personal life and my career, which adds to the stress. I can’t help it, it’s just who I am.

On top of all that, my current least favourite trait of my anxiety has been the sudden bout of imposter syndrome I’ve been experiencing. I convince myself I’m shit at my job and I’m going to get sacked probably 4 times a day at the moment, and it sucks. It really sucks. Because, logically, I know that’s not true. But I have such an intense fear of disappointing people that I just cannot help it.

And, on top of all THAT, I haven’t been able to do the one thing that helps. Exercise. I mean, don’t get me wrong, most of the time I detest going to the gym. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I’ve been since I got this job. But, when my MH/mood/stress levels are bad, it usually gets me out of that slump. Even if I only go once for half an hour.

But, after a rather painful physio session that stemmed from weeks of complaining about my knee, it turns out I have Patellar Tendonitis. (Basically, my knee cap moves in a way it shouldn’t and it’s v painful.) And the only things I’ve been cleared to do are cycling, the leg extension machine and the leg press machine. I’m fine with the last two, but I DETEST cycling. My favourite thing to do when I’m stressed is run until I can’t run anymore, and now I am not allowed. Gutted doesn’t cover it.

So, in short, I’ve been stressed.

And I haven’t been able to fix it in ways I would normally, which has thrown me a little.

I’ve tried to keep up with social media, but Instagram has been failing a little. I’ve tried to keep up with blogging, but I just haven’t had the energy. I’ve tried to do a lot of things, but honestly? I just desperately need some down time.

So, that’s what’s been going on in my life recently. It’s been amazing, but it’s also been shit.

I have a free weekend this weekend for the first time in what feels like forever. I’m going to use it to get some photos taken, brainstorm some content and get on top of things. Whilst also allowing myself to relax for longer than an hour.

I have lots of exciting things planned (and in the pre-planning stage) for the rest of the year and I promise I will get back to full form very soon, (hopefully over the next week or two) but please bear with me if content is a little sporadic. Because I just really need to put myself first.

I love you all <3

S H O P   T H E   O U T F I T

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  • I think you’re doing just swell, lovely and this photo of you is great, I think you look absolutely wonderful :)

    Erin

  • Don’t beat yourself up! It’s important to put yourself first, and if that means taking some time away from the blog then do it. Hope you feel better soon :) x http://www.aimeeraindropwrites.co.uk x

  • Hannah T

    Lots of love to ya ;) don’t worry! x

    • And even more love to you!! Hope you’re well, gal? Xxx

      • Hannah T

        Yeah thanks! Couldn’t be happier! and couldn’t be happier it’s the weeeeekeeend :D x

        • I miss you!! You need to let me know when you’re next around 😘

          • Hannah T

            Oooh I will – a Leeds trip/big catchup would be cool – or could get a train and meet in Hull while it’s enjoying it’s City of Culture status :p

          • Yesss we need to sort something for sure!! Xxx

  • I can totally understand where you are coming from with this post – since I started my new job in March I feel as though my feet have hardly touched the ground and that I am living in a whirlwind of CSS, SQL & API… I’m not even sure I know what any of that means haha!!!

    However I have decided to no longer feel obliged to blog unless the words are there ready in my head. Taking timeout to plan & prepare is the best way sometimes.

    Emma | HarmonyBlaze.co.uk

  • Abigail Huggan

    I feel you on this post. I’ve been really down recently due to recently graduating and not fully knowing what I am doing with my life and feeling defeated when it comes to job searching. I feel writing these kind of posts can relieve the stress and emotions. I always find reading these kind of posts also helps me feel less alone, knowing that other people are feeling the way I feel.

    Abbie
    overpeachchic.com

  • Ellis Woolley

    No need to apologise to anyone! To be honest, there’s a lot of crap energy around blogging right now and it feels so hard trying to keep up with it when sometimes the results are so disheartening. Instagram in particular has gone so down hill it’s unreal! Taking some well deserved time away to focus on yourself will do you the world of good :) x x
    Ellis // http://www.elliswoolley.co.uk

  • We all have to just peace out sometimes, we’ll all be here reading still :) Frankie x
    http://www.joieandthevivre.com

  • Glasses Girl

    Stop apologising! Your content is at its best when you’re writing it from passion – don’t force it as your readers won’t forget you if you have time off. Your mental health comes first, everything else is second to that xxx

  • I hope you have a truly relaxing weekend and feel refreshing. I completely understand what you mean about struggling to deal with being very busy. I like order and knowing I have enough time for everything, knowing I don’t makes me very anxious and I just can’t deal with it well. I have to have downtime otherwise I start crying at the stupidest things.

  • Rough times are sucky! So sorry to hear that you’ve been super stressed. Sending love! Can’t wait to see what you have planned!

    Anika xo | anikamay.co.uk

  • Abi Street

    I’m with you on having a rough time at the moment and it does suck! Sending you all the love, just remember you’re absolutely amazing and it is fine to take a break, post whatever images you like and not always portray a ‘perfect’ life x

    Abi | abistreetx

  • Stacey

    I’m so sorry that you’re having a rough time at the moment. I’m certain your regular readers will understand completely that you have to take time for your other commitments and to look after yourself – you certainly have nothing to feel guilty for. As for imposter syndrome, I’m sure many would agree that you’re clearly very talented and capable and you’re doing a great job. Hopefully you’ll start to feel better and feel more on top of things soon.

  • It sounds like we’re both very similar – I put so much pressure on myself to do everything perfectly and to succeed at everything and I hate disappointing people. I also have to have downtime to recover from being really busy, otherwise I get so stressed. I actually thought the photo you’ve used for this post looks fab – I quite like that it’s not a crystal clear photo, it just looks like it’s been modified to look like that with a filter or something! x

    Jenny | LuxeStyle