Apologies for the completely unrelated photo, but I’m trying this new thing where I don’t stress about little things like that. One of my favourite blogs (which is, coincidentally, also run by one of my favourite humans) is Sophie Cliff and one of the things that I love about her blog is how raw her posts are. She writes from the heart. Her photos are very often snaps she’s taken on her iPhone and I always tried to avoid this, but I need to stop little perfectionism things like that holding me back from writing content I’m passionate about. I wrote this post about wanting my blog to have less ‘bigness’ a while ago and it’s time I stuck to that. So, because I wanted to get this post out, here is a square, slightly blurry yet somehow also slightly grainy iPhone snap of me holding a Costa, rather than a well thought out Olympus Pen flatlay. As always, thanks for the inspiration, Soph <3
It’s time I had a sit down with you guys.
I’ve been a total shit.
(How many times have I written one of these “I’M A TERRIBLE BLOGGER I’M SORRY I’LL BE BETTER” posts? I’ve lost count.)
I’m a terrible blogger, I’m sorry, I’ll be better.
Basically, June and July have been hectic. I’ve had so many plans I’m surprised I’ve managed to sleep at all. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been really fun and I’ve had the best time, but I am definitely the type of person that needs to recharge after a period of busyness. And I just haven’t been able to.
On top of having an incredibly busy social calander, work has been overwhelmingly busy, too. I’m still getting to grips with parts of my role, and the last thing I’ve wanted to do because of all the busy is come home and open my laptop.
And, tbh, I wouldn’t ever apologise for that.
I’m not going to pretend like all this hasn’t affected me. My mental health has been at an all-time-low over the past few weeks because I just don’t deal with busy -induced-stress very well. I also put an impossibly large amount of pressure on myself to succeed, both in my personal life and my career, which adds to the stress. I can’t help it, it’s just who I am.
On top of all that, my current least favourite trait of my anxiety has been the sudden bout of imposter syndrome I’ve been experiencing. I convince myself I’m shit at my job and I’m going to get sacked probably 4 times a day at the moment, and it sucks. It really sucks. Because, logically, I know that’s not true. But I have such an intense fear of disappointing people that I just cannot help it.
And, on top of all THAT, I haven’t been able to do the one thing that helps. Exercise. I mean, don’t get me wrong, most of the time I detest going to the gym. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I’ve been since I got this job. But, when my MH/mood/stress levels are bad, it usually gets me out of that slump. Even if I only go once for half an hour.
But, after a rather painful physio session that stemmed from weeks of complaining about my knee, it turns out I have Patellar Tendonitis. (Basically, my knee cap moves in a way it shouldn’t and it’s v painful.) And the only things I’ve been cleared to do are cycling, the leg extension machine and the leg press machine. I’m fine with the last two, but I DETEST cycling. My favourite thing to do when I’m stressed is run until I can’t run anymore, and now I am not allowed. Gutted doesn’t cover it.
So, in short, I’ve been stressed.
And I haven’t been able to fix it in ways I would normally, which has thrown me a little.
I’ve tried to keep up with social media, but Instagram has been failing a little. I’ve tried to keep up with blogging, but I just haven’t had the energy. I’ve tried to do a lot of things, but honestly? I just desperately need some down time.
So, that’s what’s been going on in my life recently. It’s been amazing, but it’s also been shit.
I have a free weekend this weekend for the first time in what feels like forever. I’m going to use it to get some photos taken, brainstorm some content and get on top of things. Whilst also allowing myself to relax for longer than an hour.
I have lots of exciting things planned (and in the pre-planning stage) for the rest of the year and I promise I will get back to full form very soon, (hopefully over the next week or two) but please bear with me if content is a little sporadic. Because I just really need to put myself first.
I love you all <3